i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
