we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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