He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
