And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
