This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
