You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
