chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just cut my nipple shaving
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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