it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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