Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
