so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
