You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
