you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
