Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
