As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
