What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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