Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize