just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
