If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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