just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
