i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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