Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
