i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
