I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
