i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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