they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
