yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
