you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
