I'm really into asian looking animals
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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