Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
