I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
