i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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