I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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