I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
