If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
