I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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