i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
