Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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