it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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