Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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