Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
