I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
