i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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