What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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