Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
