I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
