The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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