he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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