so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I am morally bankrupt
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
