So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
