The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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