You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
