tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
