at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i think my cat just said my name.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
