you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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