Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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