where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
