If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
