ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
