He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
