I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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