Kiss
Puke
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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