a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
