Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
