i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
