3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
