i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
