people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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