at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
