the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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