All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Terrible idea I love it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
