I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
