Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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