You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
