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feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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