I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
