You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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