Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
