sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
