I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
