You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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