What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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