it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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