When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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