Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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