then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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